Motherhood is the best and most important job in the world. Regardless of our age, background or zip code we share the same goal, to raise kids in the best healthy way, but sometimes in the process of that we forget that we are all on the same boat, The Motherhood Club.
Now a days seems like we’re getting caught up in mommy wars all the time. Who’s best ? The Breastfeed exclusively mom? The formula mom? The tablet mom? The no-tech mom? The answer is, None. We all try to do the best for our kids!!
So why do we seem to be judging or being judged most of the time? All we need is support and a less judgmental environment to empower one another!
I remember when I had my first daughter, I felt so lost and clueless in a lot of subjects, so I started to join mommy groups, support groups for first-time moms and lactation groups on Facebook. My mother lives in a different country and I only had her help for 15 days, and my husband had only 3 days of paternity leave (crazy right?) so I got overwhelmed pretty fast. I would find myself alone, in my house from 8:00 am – 6:00 pm trying to get used to the idea that this tiny person fully depended on me, so I had to give my best, or at least try to.
I was constantly asking for advice on these groups, calling friends who already had kids, I even annoyed the pediatrician with my crazy emails asking about every little thing. When is her belly button going to fall? Is it normal that my baby has a rash? Why does she cross her eyes sometimes? Etc etc…
All I needed was advice and little direction…well a LOT of direction. So, I started getting more involved in these mommy groups and assisting in some events so I could make new Mommy friends. Soon enough I got my self-caught up in a crossfire between these mommies, Every time someone posted a question there was CHAOS. It seemed like everyone had a different opinion about the subject which is ok, but they were constantly fighting about how some moms were not doing a good job. I used to read comments like: ‘If you feed your baby formula you’re a bad mom’, or ‘If you’re a working mom your child will have psychological problems’, just all kinds of mean and rude comments to other moms that just needed guidance and support. It soon started feeling like it was all a competition for Best Mommy Awards.
To me, breastfeeding was one of the hardest things I had to deal with when I had Sophia. In the beginning, I was producing milk, so I used to breastfeed and pump, but it seems very painful and hard all the time. My husband used to tell me: ‘You’re doing great babe’, ‘Don’t give up’.But I just kept on feeling like a total failure. Why does my baby keep crying? Why is she still hungry? Why am I not producing enough milk for her to be satisfied? Why? Why? Why?
I saw a lactation consultant and bought all these products to ‘boost’ your milk production, some of them seemed to work, but for some reason, I couldn’t keep up with my daughter’s needs. I kept feeling more and more tired and all I could hear was my daughter crying for more food all the time. That’s when I decided to ask the mommies group to ask for advice or to see if there were other moms out there going thru the same challenge.
My question was the following: Hi mommies!
I am not producing enough milk for the baby, she doesn’t seem to get full when I breastfeed her or pump. Should I complement with formula? What have you done to boost your milk supply? TIA.-
There were mixed comments. ‘Keep on going momma you can do it’, ‘Don’t do formula, that’s why your body is producing milk, if you don’t have enough you must be doing something wrong’ or ‘Something is wrong with your body’. I felt so bad that day and felt like quitting. That night my husband and I drove to Target to buy Formula. Enough was enough, my baby was hungry I wasn’t producing enough milk so I had to do what I had to do. Why did I have to care about what a bunch of moms say. It was my baby !!
After that, I kept on breastfeeding her, complementing with formula and frozen breast milk that an awesome friend donated, I will always be thankful for that!
The whole experience was very challenging but when she turned 1 year old and she was ok, I said to myself: I did it !!!
I just gave birth to a baby boy not too long ago, and my experience this time has been so different because I decided not to drink teas, eat cookies or anything to boost my milk supply. This time I decided to trust my body and not listen to anyone’s opinion. It’s been 2 months and Thank God breastfeeding is going great!
This experience taught me so much and that’s the main reason and purpose of this blog, to empower other mommies and to remind us that were all on the same boat, we want to be the best for our kids !! It doesn’t matter if you decide to breastfeed or not if you co-sleep or not. You’re doing great !! You’re the best !!
So let’s leave aside the mommy wars, judging, and bullying and let’s commit to support and empower other fellow mommas in the decisions they make.
Remember that there’s no instruction booklet when it comes to being a parent, but you can start by taking care of yourself, managing your stress, and most importantly maintain your self-esteem after all our kids pick up on how we see ourselves !!!
You can do this momma! You got this !! <3