MOTHERHOOD

HOW TO DEAL WITH MOM SHAMING

*This topic is intended to bring awareness about a subject that affects thousands of mothers around the world, and we must take it seriously.

What is Mom Shaming ?

The act of  criticizing or degrading a mother for her parenting choices because they differ from the choices the shamer would make. (Source: theurbandictionary.com) 

The fact that mom shaming is a thing scares me. I’m pretty sure this has been going on for years but, nowadays thing are out in the open, because of social media. I was talking to my mother and she explained to me:

“In my time, if someone was mom shaming you, nobody else knew because we had no facebook, twitter etc to post and express our feelings. It was between the shamer and you, so I had to suffer in silence. – 

A few years ago I had to deal with a couple of mom “friends” who had very different opinions about delivery options and parenting, and I don’t know how or when I gave them the right to bully me , because yes, mom shaming is bullying!

Whether you have been a victim of mom shaming or you’ve done it to someone  you’re not alone! You can still change, you can still educate others and make them understand that motherhood is something you should enjoy and NOT feel guilty about.

Let’s not just share our experiences and stories of mom shaming, let’s make it stop ! Let’s stop the hate culture.

  1. HOW TO DEAL WITH OUTSIDERS:  If someone approaches you out of the blue and starts telling you mean comments about a situation they’re watching at the moment, (Ex: toddler tantrum, breastfeeding in public etc) or telling you how to do things, try to stay calm and say: I appreciate your good intentions but we’re good here” or if its something that’s super offensive  you should just turn around and ignore them. After all, they’re strangers. I Remember this lady came up to me at the park and told me “I was delaying the walking process for my daughter, and that her hips were going to dislocate because I was “wearing” her. First of all I’ve had done my research and found a great baby carrier that supports the back and the legs (M position, sorry I’m getting all technical) etc. She didn’t even know me, didn’t say hello or anything and just came over from across the park to tell me that ! You know what I did ? I Kindly smiled and said, thank you for your advice, but I have done my research and I got this. I wanted to scream at her and say a million things in my defense, but that wasn’t going to be the solution. We have to make sure people are educated on the subject, so that’s what i did, because guess what? She then said Babywearing was for lazy kids and lazy mothers who don’t want to push the stroller…. Right.
  2.  HOW TO DEAL WITH INSIDERS:  I’ve heard many many stories about family members and friends that have told new mothers that they are bad moms, because they’re not doing things the way they used to do it with their kids.   A close friend told me that her mom kept on telling her she was a bad mother for not carrying the baby every time he cried. (She used to leave him on the play pen to prepare the baby’s food or to go to the restroom, it wasn’t even 3 whole minutes) and those words left a scar! She was so affected by it that every time the baby cried she felt guilty, like the worst mom in the whole world. If you’re going thru this, you need to talk to your relative or friend and tell them it’s not ok and set some boundaries, because even though they’re family or friends, they’re not entitled to force their opinion or experiences on you or your baby.
  3. HOW TO DEAL WITH SOCIAL MEDIA: It seems like social media is a double side sword tool, and to be honest that was my biggest fear when I started blogging. I’ve seen several people mom shaming on others thru social media, using mean comments, telling them they’re bad moms for formula feeding, for working etc. What’s going on here ? We’re all on the same boat, we’re all mothers, we’re all trying to what”s best for our kids. We must respect and support each other, and if you have a different opinion just don’t say anything or make rude comments, keep them to yourself.

Nothing is worst than moms shaming other moms, so let’s work together and be tolerant one to another, let’s build each other up, let’s celebrate our kids together, we’re setting the example for our future generations and it’s important that we understand we’re building a legacy for them. Let’s treat each other with respect and remember that God made us all different and we’re all going to have different opinions.

If you have an advice to give, be respectful and remember how sensitive a woman can be specially in her first months postpartum. Think before you speak, and be kind!!

Don’t let anyone tell you you’re doing a bad job, or that you’re a bad mother. Reality is that you’re doing your best, you’re trying hard to be there for your little ones, and the decisions you make are the best for them. Don’t feel bad if you had a c-section and not a natural birth, if you’re not breastfeeding, if you breastfeed in public, if you give your cellphone to your kid so you can rest for 10 minutes, if you never sleep trained your kids, if you let them eat an ice cream once in a while, if you have a tv at home, if you don’t take them to the park everyday because you feel tired, don’t feel judged YOU ARE THE BEST! Believe in yourself and the capability you have to make the best decisions for your little ones, and don’t give up !

Be strong, be bold, be courageous ! We got this momma ! 

Post by: Valerie S.

43 thoughts on “HOW TO DEAL WITH MOM SHAMING

  1. It’s sad people feel the need to mom shame at all. I used to care what people thought about me, but I don’t anymore. If you’re not family or a friend, I honestly couldn’t care less about opinions. I parent how I want and I understand that other parents do the same. Now if we could all get that, the world would be a happier place!

  2. I think that being a mother is hard enough, people should just come to you and comment on your choices of how you want to raise your children. Indeed, there is nothing wrong to give your child the phone so that you can rest for 10 minutes, or to not be strict with them. You are raising children with love, not strictness.

  3. I’m grateful I haven’t had to deal with mom shaming, and I have three (grown) kids. I’ve also been very respectful of other moms, no matter how loud I’m screaming in my head LOL I agree, mom shaming has to stop. Not everybody is the same, and not everybody is getting it right. Motherhood is a journey and it never ends, no matter how old the kids get, trust me on that one!

  4. Yay for common sense here! I go out of my way not to impose my beliefs or the way I would do things on others, because it’s just that, my way not the only way. Everyone is going to do things differently. As long as their way is not physically or emotionally harming me, then to each their own. As moms, we have enough to deal with on a daily basis. I don’t need to add another mother’s way of doing things to my already full plate.

    Thrifting Diva
    http://www.thriftingdiva.com

  5. I did not know there was such a term as mom shaming but obviously the concept is no stranger to me. I think it is all down to the choice we all make for ourselves and other people have to respect that. It is not because something works for me that it works for everyone and vice versa

  6. oh my! heard this for the first time… though i think what this is being refereed to! Every mom brings up her child the best she can and there is no reason for shaming at all!!

  7. I feel like everyone always has an opinion whether they are a parent or not. As for me, I will raise my child in the best way I can and instill the principles I feel are best. Your opinion is only an opinion.

    1. Thats the best way to go!! After my experiences I decided to talk to my husband about it and make our decisions based on what we think its best for our children! Of course if someone was to give us advice, that’s different, but no more listening to hurtful comments other moms might say because im raising my kids differently than them ❤️ thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    1. Thank you for your thoughts! Absolutely! Thats why I am now encouraging moms to understand that no matter how judged they are, we are doing our best! And were the best moms for our little ones 🙏🏻 In the end thats what really matter 🙂

  8. Mom shaming is a big no-no. So we, as moms, can also be sensitive in giving our opinions or unsolicited advices in a nice way to other moms who we think need so. It should start with us. Respect begets respect.

  9. When I was pregnant, people were always asking “Aren’t you young?” or etc. But they also blame me for staying with my son and not having an outside job.
    Please notice, you know the best and you always will!

  10. I don’t understand why people feel the need to mom shame! I understand if a mom was doing something that harms the child. Then you should “advise” the mother to something else, or go to the authorities. I feel shaming is very futile and ineffective. I’d rather help than hate.

    1. Completely agree! Other moms have shamed on me for baby wearing a lot! Someone came up to me once and asked: do you use that kangaroo carrier because you can’t afford a stroller?

    1. Yes, unfortunately its true! But we can educate people and help others not to feel guilty or bad for the decisions they make as mothers. Being a parent is hard, and we need to support each other! Thank your for sharing your thoughts 🙏🏻

    1. Unfortunately is a thing … and I agree, everyone has their own strategy, the problem is that theres some people that dont agree with others strategies and they try to impose their strategies on others, or think the other person is doing things wrong :(. I think its important to raise awareness, specially new moms! We are sensitive and fragile specially the first months post partum ❤️ Thanks for sharing your thoughts hon 💕

  11. I recently wrote about mom shaming. I am disgusted with what I’ve read over the 1,5 years I’ve been a mom! I mean people stop at nothing to get their point through! I never thought it would happen to me but it has. #stopmomshaming

  12. I hate this is happening to so many women, especially other moms. I am not a mom yet but the cattiness and judgement needs to stop and go back to helping one another learn.

  13. As I’m not a mother I don’t presume to know or give unwarranted advice to parents on how they should educate their kids. Everyone has different parental styles that there can’t be a guidebook.

  14. Mommy shaming is huge. It has always been a ‘thing’ but, now with social media, it’s become more and more visible. Everyone is trying to be so much better than the other mommy out there and with social media, it’s easier to give an ‘illusion’ of perfection. I always say I wasn’t perfect. I’m still not perfect. Unfortunately, it won’t be something that goes away anytime soon.

    1. You’re right, it feels like everyone’s competing against each other ! But hopefully we can influence our community, our city and hopefully the world, one mommy at a time!

  15. We deal with haters and shamers in each area, I don’t really care much and I usually block anyone which tends to say something negative on social media. They are just frustrated and mean people, their words are not constructive, not need to bother about them.

  16. Hola Vale te felicito por tu blog, he leído casi todo, me ha llamado la atención lo del homeschooling (aunque yo no lo haría con mi pequeño) pero sí quisiera sugerirte que escribas de cómo enseñar a estos tan pequeños la Palabra de Dios y acerca de Dios. Cómo que material usar, que enfoque. Yo intento leer a mi niño las historias de la Biblia para niños pero yo percibo que no lo captan mucho. Es difícil en un mundo tan contrario a las cosas de Dios.

    1. Hola Monica! Gracias por tu comentario, yo todavia no he posteado nada de home schooling todavia, estoy preparando mi series de Home Schooling adventures. En este blog somos 3 mamas amigas con 3 diferentes perspectivas de educación y crianza. Sabrina es la mami que también esta home schooling y ella ha puesto sus aventuras❤️ Estoy de acuerdo contigo, la palabra de Dios es lo mejor que le podemos enseñar a nuestros peques! Estoy preparando esos posts! Gracias por leernos🌹🌹🌹

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