*This topic is intended to bring awareness about a subject that affects thousands of mothers around the world, and we must take it seriously.
What is Mom Shaming ?
The fact that mom shaming is a thing scares me. I’m pretty sure this has been going on for years but, nowadays thing are out in the open, because of social media. I was talking to my mother and she explained to me:
“In my time, if someone was mom shaming you, nobody else knew because we had no facebook, twitter etc to post and express our feelings. It was between the shamer and you, so I had to suffer in silence. –
A few years ago I had to deal with a couple of mom “friends” who had very different opinions about delivery options and parenting, and I don’t know how or when I gave them the right to bully me , because yes, mom shaming is bullying!
Whether you have been a victim of mom shaming or you’ve done it to someone you’re not alone! You can still change, you can still educate others and make them understand that motherhood is something you should enjoy and NOT feel guilty about.
Let’s not just share our experiences and stories of mom shaming, let’s make it stop ! Let’s stop the hate culture.
- HOW TO DEAL WITH OUTSIDERS: If someone approaches you out of the blue and starts telling you mean comments about a situation they’re watching at the moment, (Ex: toddler tantrum, breastfeeding in public etc) or telling you how to do things, try to stay calm and say: I appreciate your good intentions but we’re good here” or if its something that’s super offensive you should just turn around and ignore them. After all, they’re strangers. I Remember this lady came up to me at the park and told me “I was delaying the walking process for my daughter, and that her hips were going to dislocate because I was “wearing” her. First of all I’ve had done my research and found a great baby carrier that supports the back and the legs (M position, sorry I’m getting all technical) etc. She didn’t even know me, didn’t say hello or anything and just came over from across the park to tell me that ! You know what I did ? I Kindly smiled and said, thank you for your advice, but I have done my research and I got this. I wanted to scream at her and say a million things in my defense, but that wasn’t going to be the solution. We have to make sure people are educated on the subject, so that’s what i did, because guess what? She then said Babywearing was for lazy kids and lazy mothers who don’t want to push the stroller…. Right.
- HOW TO DEAL WITH INSIDERS: I’ve heard many many stories about family members and friends that have told new mothers that they are bad moms, because they’re not doing things the way they used to do it with their kids. A close friend told me that her mom kept on telling her she was a bad mother for not carrying the baby every time he cried. (She used to leave him on the play pen to prepare the baby’s food or to go to the restroom, it wasn’t even 3 whole minutes) and those words left a scar! She was so affected by it that every time the baby cried she felt guilty, like the worst mom in the whole world. If you’re going thru this, you need to talk to your relative or friend and tell them it’s not ok and set some boundaries, because even though they’re family or friends, they’re not entitled to force their opinion or experiences on you or your baby.
- HOW TO DEAL WITH SOCIAL MEDIA: It seems like social media is a double side sword tool, and to be honest that was my biggest fear when I started blogging. I’ve seen several people mom shaming on others thru social media, using mean comments, telling them they’re bad moms for formula feeding, for working etc. What’s going on here ? We’re all on the same boat, we’re all mothers, we’re all trying to what”s best for our kids. We must respect and support each other, and if you have a different opinion just don’t say anything or make rude comments, keep them to yourself.
Nothing is worst than moms shaming other moms, so let’s work together and be tolerant one to another, let’s build each other up, let’s celebrate our kids together, we’re setting the example for our future generations and it’s important that we understand we’re building a legacy for them. Let’s treat each other with respect and remember that God made us all different and we’re all going to have different opinions.
If you have an advice to give, be respectful and remember how sensitive a woman can be specially in her first months postpartum. Think before you speak, and be kind!!
Don’t let anyone tell you you’re doing a bad job, or that you’re a bad mother. Reality is that you’re doing your best, you’re trying hard to be there for your little ones, and the decisions you make are the best for them. Don’t feel bad if you had a c-section and not a natural birth, if you’re not breastfeeding, if you breastfeed in public, if you give your cellphone to your kid so you can rest for 10 minutes, if you never sleep trained your kids, if you let them eat an ice cream once in a while, if you have a tv at home, if you don’t take them to the park everyday because you feel tired, don’t feel judged YOU ARE THE BEST! Believe in yourself and the capability you have to make the best decisions for your little ones, and don’t give up !
Be strong, be bold, be courageous ! We got this momma !
Post by: Valerie S.